


Désespoir

by enigma_scars



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Aromantic Harry, Boys Kissing, Break Up, Continuity What Continuity, Crying Louis, Drunkenness, Everyone Is Gay, First Kiss, First Time, Fucked Up, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Painter Louis, Rough Sex, Sad Louis, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Relationships, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, this fic is based on the authors true story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-02 22:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12735756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enigma_scars/pseuds/enigma_scars
Summary: Louis met Harry when he was 15, and Harry was 17Louis fell in love with him, but got nothing in return.Time after time, year after year, Harry Fucked Louis over, but he still stayed by his side.Almost 11 years later, Louis gives up. It was about time he loved himself.OrThe fic that is based on my first ever relationship and how it broke me, with just a hint of logic where my life left me with stupid and illogical reasoning.Please read the fic, this summary is bullahit.





	Désespoir

**Author's Note:**

> (Songs for the fic-  
> 1\. Back To You- Louis Tomlinson.  
> 2\. Chasing Pavements- Adele.  
> 3\. All I Ask- Adele.  
> 4\. Crazy for You- Adele.  
> 5\. First Love- Adele.  
> 6\. Daydreamer- Adele.  
> 7\. When we were Young- Adele.  
> 8\. Love Ridden- Fiona Apple.  
> 9\. A mistake- Fiona Apple.  
> 10\. One and Only- Adele.  
> 11\. I hate you; I love you- Gnash Ft. Olivia O’Brien.  
> 12\. Lost on you- LP.  
> 13\. Where do broken hearts go- One Direction.  
> 14\. Summer Love- One Direction.  
> 15\. Spaces- One Direction.  
> 16\. Story of My Life- One Direction.  
> 17\. I wanna be yours- Arctic Monkeys.  
> 18\. R U Mine? - Arctic Monkeys.  
> 19\. Flicker- Niall Horan.)
> 
> Basically, the song inspiration for this fic would be our very own Louis Tomlinson's Back To You, (go stream it on itunes or spotify!)  
> The song spoke to me in a way few did before. 
> 
> My angel, Louis Tomlinson, the real MVP, and his beautiful angelic voice gave me inspiration to write my life in a fic. The only difference was, my story was het af, and this is GAY AF.
> 
> Acknowledgements to  
> 1\. Tabby for giving me this wonderful prompt from her 1000 feelings for which there are no words challenge.  
> My prompt was  
> '666. The desperation when everyone tells you you've got to "finally let go" - and you can't.'
> 
> This prompt fucked me over, and brought me back to life! I really suggest you read this and not hate me for making Harry a dick.
> 
> Also, that wonderful lady, actually, actually, beta'd this work and made it a polished master piece. I wrote shit she cleaned it up and replaced it with diamonds. I am forever greatful to her, she is a godsend!!
> 
> 2\. To my ex who features as Harry, throughout the book.
> 
> 3\. To my friend Pia, who features as Zayn. (he is mentioned for like three lines. But still.)
> 
> 4\. To my friend Josh, who features as Niall. (who is again mentioned only for like a couple of sentences.)
> 
> And lastly to my my past self, for featuring as Louis.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this story where flashbacks only contain smut and present situations make you want to throw me against a wall and smash my head.
> 
> Thank you if you read the AN till here, ya da reel MVP bruh!
> 
> -M.

Third person POV:

  
“It’s about time you stop sulking and get out of the house. Get yourself someone who actually cares about you. It’s been way too long, for a young man like you to waste away on a bloody couch in front of the fucking telly.” Louis has long drowned out this conversation. It’s not like it was important. It was just Liam and Niall and Zayn, pondering aloud to Louis how he is fucking wasting his time, sitting on the bloody couch, letting his ass get fatter.

  
“Guess what, Zayn. I don’t bloody care. Alright? Now I would love to go back to watching The Office, if none of you have anything better to do than to yell at me about getting out of my OWN DAMN FLAT.” Louis enunciates the end.

  
Louis looks back at the big T.V. screen in hopes that his friends will get the hint. They don’t.

  
“Well, stop shutting us out. We just want to help you. You are a damned artist, a painter, a good one at that. So tell me, when was the last time you took your time to do something wholeheartedly, something just for yourself? You’re 27, and what are you doing? Sitting in week old pj’s, with tissues surrounding you, and all of your commissions and orders ready two weeks prior? It’s not even holiday season yet. You’re working overtime.” Liam says, standing in front of the telly.

  
“More like killing himself with work.” Niall mutters from where he is seated on the couch aligned to Louis’ left.

  
“We get it, you miss him, love him even. But you have to accept that his love is not the love you want.” Zayn says, calmly. “It’s not what you deserve. Even if you want it, it’s not what you need. It’s making you dependent; you should have given up long ago.”

  
“You are being dragged down, and he is not stopping anytime soon, darling. You need to just give up.” Niall says, a frown fresh and clear on his features.

  
“And the three of you need to get out. You don’t know anything about him, about me, us. Nothing, get out!” Louis exclaimed, standing up from where he was curled.

  
“Are all of you plain dumb, I said get the fuck out!” Louis yells when his friends don’t move.

  
Liam and Zayn share a look of bewilderment, while Niall looks hurt. They immediately leave, slamming the apartment door behind them.

  
Louis bursts into tears. He chokes on his spit as he rushes himself out of the living room and into the bathroom. He kneels down over the toilet bowl and empties the contents of his stomach. He hasn’t actually eaten all day, but all the shouting and screaming has made him nauseated. Especially the fact that his friends want him to get over someone he has loved for more than eleven years now.

  
Louis sat down resting his head on the wall behind him, wondering just when he got so pathetic. He drags himself up after cleaning up after himself, washing his face in the sink and heading to the kitchen. He feels dizzy as he leans against the kitchen counter, eyes red and wet, cheeks puffy and tear stained, blotched and ugly. He drinks water from the bottle he gets out of the fridge. He sighs as the bitter-sour taste of bile rinses down. He sits down on the dining table, and stares at the moon that peaks out of the clouds from his kitchen window.

  
He pulls himself out of the sticky hoodie that was twice his size and the old PJ’s. He slips into fresh trackies and his own shirt. He brings out a fresh canvas, empty and waiting to be painted on. He pulls out the twelve pack beer from his fridge and his paint, his personal paint, the ones he doesn’t use very often, the paint that ‘he’ had gifted him.  
He switches off all the lights in the house and turns on the only spotlight in his study room, his home studio. The studio where he was repeatedly fucked with paint dripping all over him, where he feels alive all over again. This room, he despises and loves with all his being, it brings back memories, memories he should throw out the window with this paint, and this poncho and this room, and probably himself too.

  
He slips on the poncho he uses when painting and sits down on the stool, he sips on a can of beer and with tears in his eyes, starts to paint, with no actual intention. He mixes wild colours like oranges, reds, violets and blues. And makes a chaotic figure, a body, a fiery body.

  
He stills and his first thought is a memory. The memory of the first time he met the devil in man’s skin.

  
~~~

 

  
31st October, 2006

  
Like every Halloween, Louis was out and about. This time though, he was not accompanied by a gaggle of his sisters. He was fifteen, ‘Mum, fifteen year olds don’t go trick or treating with little girls hanging off of them. Let me go to Stan’s party, please?’ Louis had said the week prior. Jay had accepted his request and allowed him to go to Stan’s party, dressed as Danny Zuko, of course.

  
Stan’s party had alcohol and it was a complete Halloween package, creepy decorations, girls in skimpy costumes, boys in character costumes. It was an adult-like party through and through. Indeed, it turned adult after it was crashed by seniors and some of their college friends.

  
Stan was least bothered with what was going on. It was nearing midnight and Louis was more than ready to leave. As he slipped out the front door, he was quickly followed by a couple of seniors and they started poking fun at him, his choice of costume and stuff, which could have taken a violent turn, when the guy, taller than all three of them stepped forward, immediately scaring the two seniors away. The guy was none other than, “Harry. Harry Styles, you must have heard of me.” A senior at Louis’ school, famous boy, a talented singer and a queer, a true open and out there queer. 

  
“Louis.” He somehow managed to say.

  
“I know.” Harry had said as he started walking, Louis following quickly behind. They were walking on the street that led to Louis’ house.

  
“How do you know?” Louis had foolishly asked.

“The two scumbags called you by your name didn’t they, Tomlinson?” Harry smirked, turning around. Louis nodded when Harry looked at him.

Louis stayed quiet after that, only following him until they reached his house. He stopped in front of his fenced gate and said, “This is me.”

“I stay three houses ahead. Could walk you to school tomorrow?” Harry asks, slightly nervous.

“Sure.” Louis had said, with no second thoughts.

The smile that adorned Harry’s face brightened the entire street. Louis was melting inside.

~~~

 

Now that Louis thinks of it, that was the first mistake he ever made, with Harry at least. He mixes black into his colours, and draws the tattoos that adorned the body of his subject. He paints the patterns, blurred and out of focus, yet correctly.

 

His memories take him back to a time when he was in too deep, in enough to never back out, in enough to stay there, probably forever.

“I am dating Wilson.” Louis had said when they stood face to face in their spot; the abandoned house behind the hill across their homes. Harry was sat on the brick boundary.

When he stood, Harry towered over Louis but seated, Harry was the same height as Louis where the smaller boy stood before him now.

“Grand.” Harry had dismissed Louis. He looked genuinely unbothered.

“Grand? That is all you have to say for this? He is your friend? Isn’t there a bro-code?” Louis had exclaimed.

“Bro-code, for what, never kiss or date my best-friend from my past school, even though we hang out together? That would sound so stupid. You are a senior now, and what a rebel, hanging around with college kids, dating one even. Ha!” Harry had said, chuckling loudly.

“Well then, don’t come around to pick me up from school tomorrow. I will ask Wilson to drive me home, might even get my first kiss with him, and tell him I love him and all.” Louis had said, cringing internally.

Harry just leapt off, his bag hanging from his side as he said a cheery bye, leaving instantly, as Louis stood there astounded.

The next day, Harry didn’t come; instead he sent Wilson to pick Louis up. Wilson took him to the abandoned spot, His and Harry’s spot, and forced his lips on Louis, even when Louis said he didn’t want to. It was rough and traumatizing. Louis had hit him and ran away. He cried his eyes out the whole night, ignoring all of his texts.

The next day, Harry didn’t go to college. He knocked on Louis’ door at six forty five in the morning, and demanded he see Louis. He ran to Louis’ room, and opened the door to see Louis coiled on the floor, still crying.

“I heard what Wilson did. I am so sorry, Lou. I didn’t know he was capable of something like this. I am so sorry. Come here, Lou, I’ll hold you.” Louis realized that even though his idea of making Harry jealous never worked, it backfired, but Harry held him, even if it was for sympathy, at least he could feel his warmth, and Louis revelled in it.

~~~

 

A month from then, the two of them were sat next to each other, on the brick wall, their sides touching completely, as they talked about what their plans were after Louis’ graduation. When suddenly, Harry whispered, “You had your first kiss stolen, and I never had mine. Would you do it all over again? With me this time?”

This bewildered Louis, he choked on air, his words caught in his throat. With much difficulty, he said, “Are you serious?” There was a hint of eagerness.

“Yes. I never had mine. I always wanted to do it with somebody I trust, I feel people give up kisses like they hold no meaning, but to me, it’s just as important as a first love or sex with someone for the first time.” Harry had elaborated. This melted Louis’ heart, he wanted to be Harry’s first kiss.

“Do you want to, now?” Louis asked, hesitantly.

“If you don’t mind.” Harry said as he shifted his body to face Louis. Louis doing the same and almost knocking himself off the wall. Harry held him by his waist to stop him from falling off.

Louis squeaked thanks, his face burning with the embarrassment of falling and at the same time at feeling Harry’s big hand on his waist. Harry loosened his grip, letting it linger on Louis’ hip.

Louis leaned in slowly, raising his hand to Harry’s cheek, as Harry’s other hand came up to rest on Louis’ thigh. Harry leaned in to meet Louis in the middle. Their eyes shut as the soft press of the other’s lips could be felt on their own. It was nothing dramatic, two boys absolutely inexperienced in the art of kissing, chastely touching lips. It was electric, nonetheless, but the sparks were always one-sided. 

Harry pulled back, eyes closed, a small smile adorning his plump cherry lips. Louis was addicted after that. Harry was no one to deny kissing. They kissed for hours, ignoring everything else. They kissed and kissed for days, weeks, and months. It was better than any addiction.

Louis would sneak out to meet Harry at midnight, in their spot, and they would stay there kissing and touching one another till the early hours of morning.

But their relationship was still undefined, no labels, no commitments. Only kissing the other till they were sore. Harry was unbothered, Louis was too afraid to ask for anything more than what Harry gave.

And that, Louis thinks, was his second mistake.

~~~

 

Louis leaves his stool to grab another can of beer; he opens it and immediately takes a big gulp. If tonight is the night he should ponder over just how foolish he was to follow a man who never loved him, like a puppet to the ends of the world, then he will go through the pain, alone.

He remembers Harry asking him to move to London with him, right after they graduated, two years of college for Harry and Louis who had just graduated high school. They both decided that if they moved to some city, together, it would be a fool-proof plan. They would have the security of one another’s arms, and why deny each other that?  
Louis thought of this as a romantic arrangement, Harry thought of it as living with a bro.

 

~~~

 

“Hey, Lou! I am going out for a gig I grabbed at the pub on Bedford. I would’ve loved to bring you along, but it’s an above 21 only. I am sorry, Lou. Guess I will ask someone to record it for you. Bye!” It was the shortest notice, not even a short notice, just a declaration while pulling on his shoes that Harry yelled out, so that Louis didn’t cook for two. It was what Harry always did, not tell Louis when he had a gig, just leaving whenever he wanted.

Louis was tired, but not enough to get out of this toxicity. And as usual, he ordered take out, and completed assignments for his Arts course. He was determined to get a good grade, and for once paint something that didn’t turn out to be Harry’s face.

It was probably two in the morning when Louis heard the apartment door open and shut instantly. It startled him out of his trance; he saw that he had again painted a man with green eyes and dimples for a smile, with long curly hair, cascading down their shoulders. He wanted to be unbothered, but he couldn’t.

“Lou!” Harry giggled, stumbling down, a beer bottle in hand. He was drunk.

“Haz? Haz, are you drunk? Yes, darling you are very drunk. Let us get you out of these clothes and into night clothes, so we can all go to sleep.” Louis said as he led Harry to his room.

Harry giggled and said, “I got you the video of me singing. Don’t you want to see?” 

“I will, once we get you in bed.” Louis explained, sighing as he guided Harry into the shower, and stripped him down before turning it on the coldest setting possible. The water drenched Harry and all his drunkenness washed away. Leaving him more sober and awake than earlier.

“Geez, way to kill a man, Lou.” Harry chastised, but immediately chuckled afterwards. Louis tossed him a towel and told him to brush his teeth and change while he stood outside with a bottle of water and two ibuprofens.

In bed later, Harry called out to Louis to join him. Louis did, and was immediately pulled into Harry’s chest. He sighed, with relief, or worry, he himself was conflicted. Harry flipped him over, opening his phone and playing the video of him performing.   
Louis smiled like a proud lover, fond and adoring.

The clip portrayed the entire show, where Harry jumped and danced on the stage, singing Fleetwood Mac, and Rihanna, and covers of other bands. Towards the end, when the Harry in the video kept speaking to the crowd, Harry said, “I got paid today, and I have a meeting with a famous talent scout or producer or blah blah blah, who was there and wanted to give me a chance. He offered to sign me up, and that was how I got drunk, celebratory drunk, Louis, I wish you were there, but I am damn happy.”

Sleeping in Harry’s bed, that night, cuddled to his chest was Louis’ next most regrettable mistake. If he hadn’t slept there, he would have taken care of his morning wood in a more sensible way. Meaning, he wouldn’t give into temptation and wouldn’t let Harry blow him. Having any sort of sexual relationship with Harry was Louis’ mistake.

 

~~~

 

Louis didn’t exactly remember how he found himself in this position. In the back of the club, his lips around Harry’s cock, tears in his eyes, and adoration in Harry’s. The lust and the sexual frustration towards each other, after that one morning led to multiple sexual favours towards the other.

Messy hand jobs, blowjobs in the shower, making out anywhere and everywhere, and outings in the night that Louis thought were dates, Harry thought were bros who have a mildly sexual attraction towards one another hanging out. It was simple, not proper, but simple.

Harry’s orgasm came fast as Louis sucked with expertise. He learnt the art from Harry after all. Harry pulled Louis up and kissed him, his breath smelling of whiskey, “You. Lou. Are. Amazing. Fuck!” Harry exclaimed.

“I am amazing?” Louis asked, confused.

“Yes.” Harry exclaimed as he turns around to re-join the crowd.

“Then why aren’t we dating, Harry?” Louis asked, genuinely heartbroken.

“Lou? I don’t do relationships. Am I holding you back? Is being in a relationship what you want? I thought you knew I am aromantic? It’s the reason why I am not in a relationship with anybody. You would have been a perfect candidate, but I am not looking for one. I love you, Louis. I really do, but platonically. More than platonically, but I am actually incapable of falling for you. And it’s not because you are not the one for me or something, but just that, fuck, you are crying. Louis, let’s go home.”  
Harry had dragged Louis home that night. Cuddled him to his chest as Louis cried, explaining to him how wonderful Louis was, and that Harry was at fault, with his fucked up psychology that didn’t allow him to love somebody romantically, to have a relationship with anybody. Harry explained how Louis would be anybody’s ideal partner and that he shouldn’t limit himself to Harry, if Harry was the obstacle in Louis letting go.

Louis wanted to scream and shout about how it didn’t matter that Harry couldn’t love him, he would always love Harry, but he was weak, and Harry was there, holding him close, kissing him quiet and just being there, taking all the blame for holding him back.

Louis would accept this apology for this toxicity of the one-sided relationship he was in for the past four years. He owed himself that.

~~~

 

“I am not holding myself back Harry; I have accepted that we cannot be together that way. But as far as we are concerned we could be anything you want us to be. Not romantically involved, but otherwise. I know you are worried about my feelings, but my feelings didn’t stop us before, Harry.” Louis proclaimed as he pulled into the parking lot.

Somewhere along the way from the producer’s meeting to their apartment building, their conversation shifted from Harry’s new world to Louis’ involvement in it.

Harry wanted Louis in it, in a way that would not hurt either of them. And Louis fought his way putting forth the idea of being friends with benefits. Harry had clearly opposed.

“That is because I didn’t know how you felt, Lou. I can assure you; this fucking idea may have worked for other people, but us? We are friends first, before anything else; you are my only friend in the entire world Louis. My best friend.” Louis stepped out of the car, Harry slamming the door behind him.

“Just tell me that you don’t feel attracted to me sexually anymore, Harry. Don’t go around fucking lying to me about how you give a fuck about my feelings and our older dynamics. You can damn well go and fuck a chick or another guy if you want. I won’t fucking hesitate or fucking hold you back. But if you blatantly lie to my fucking face regarding how you don’t want to, because we are ‘Best Friends’, you can go fuck yourself. Either accept the fact that maybe I am holding you back, or fuck me and get over it, you major asshole! Put that massive dick in my arse and throw away your stupid ego, you little shit!” Louis yelled, standing in the middle of the parking lot.

“We are not having this conversation in a fucking parking lot, Lou! At least wait until we’re home.” Harry exclaimed.

“That damned apartment is no damned home; if you keep pretending that we are happy behaving like friends. Accept the fact that we can fuck the anger out of each other, and then never talk about it, or keep fucking each other without labels.” Louis explained as he stalked off towards the elevator.

Harry followed him and yelled, “And?”

“And what, Harry?” Louis asked confused, but even through Harry’s anger-filled eyes, Louis saw the hint of expectancy and joy, “And we can be best friends forever.”

“Yes!” Harry hissed as he pushed Louis to the elevator door, kissing him sharply. He shoved him inside the elevator, and pulled back enough to press the floor button.

“Fuck, at least get us home, you savage.” Louis groaned as Harry nipped back on his bottom lip, kissing him hard and rough, pushing his tongue in Louis’ mouth, licking into his mouth and tasting him, sucking his tongue and moaning and humming around each other.

The elevator door dinged and they got off, holding hands. Louis wiped his mouth, wiping away any excess saliva, as Harry pulled and styled his hair to look normal. (Ya know what I am talking about.) 

As soon as Louis opened the flat door, Harry pushed him on the door, and attacked him with his lips. He dragged his tongue and teeth down his neck, settling for his collarbone and the dips between his neck and shoulders, that heavenly dip, which made Harry want to take shots off his body. He nipped and bit and left bruises from his touch. Louis stood helpless, only moaning with pleasure.

“You look so gorgeous when you receive pleasure, all beautiful just for me. Pretty boy, with the pretty face and pretty neck. Makes me want to nestle in your dips forever.” Harry said as he traced his tongue down the low cut of Louis’ top.

“Get it off; get it off, off with it!” Louis scrambled as he pulled at Harry’s shirt tucked inside his pants.

He easily pulled his shirt off, immediately doing the same to Louis’ shirt, and said, “Jump.”

Louis jumped and Harry held him up from the back of his thighs, hands spanning over Louis’ bum. Louis moaned as Harry ground down on him, the friction of their clothed cocks too much for him to handle.

“Take me to bed.” Louis moaned as he leant down to rest his head on Harry’s broad shoulder. “Fuck, Harry. This is so hot!”

“You know it’s the first time for us both right?” Harry reminded, still grinding into Louis.

“That’s what makes this hotter, and I trust you and I need to know that you trust me too.” Louis whined out.

“Yes, I bloody trust you with my fucking life, Lou. Fucking hell.” Harry exclaimed, claiming Louis’ mouth as his again.   
Louis hit Harry in the head to gesture him to take this into the bedroom. Harry got the hint and pulled them both into his room, immediately throwing Louis on the bed. Louis scrambled up to remove his pants as Harry did the same standing. In his rush, Harry tripped on the discarded jeans and fell on top of Louis, making him shriek.

“Harry!” Louis exclaimed, laughing at the lad’s foolishness.

“Sorry, sorry.” Harry groaned as he picked himself up from Louis’ chest. “Um, Louis? Do you have lube and condoms? I have nothing, literally nothing.” Harry said as he rubbed the back of his neck, feeling stupid.

“I have no condoms, cause... Ya’ know. But I may have lube.” Louis shuffled on his feet as he left to find it in his room.  
Louis returned with the lube and threw it at Harry who caught it and threw it on the bed. Louis laid down on the bed and Harry just licked his lips at the sight of a very naked and flushed Louis. “You are so gorgeous. So, so gorgeous.”

“And you are fucking fit. I have wanked to you for years now, you little shit! Fucking finally!” Louis exclaimed.

“You could have just initiated, Lou. I thought you didn’t want this, didn’t want me.” Harry said, leaning down on Louis. He didn’t let Louis speak as he kissed him in haste, kissing him sweetly. Louis hummed approvingly as he bent his legs to accommodate Harry in between his thighs.

“You want to bottom, Lou?” Harry asked.

 

“Yes, please.” Louis said.

“I am going to prep you now. Is that alright with you?”  
Louis only nodded.  
Harry picked up the new packet of lube and spread a liberal amount of it on his three fingers. “This is supposedly going to feel weird, and might hurt. If you want me to stop, please Louis, tell me. I have wanted this too, but I won’t do it at the cost of your comfort.”

“Please, I have fingered myself thinking about you, quite a lot, you jerk. Get on with it, I can take four.”  Louis said, wiggling his bum for Harry to take notice. Harry, instead, choked on his breath. The words going directly to his cock.

“Lou. Don’t go around saying things like that. It does...things... to me.” Harry stuttered out.  
Louis paid him no heed as he raised his hips to meet Harry’s, their hardened shafts gliding together. Harry’s hands immediately went up besides Louis’ head to hold himself up. Louis ground on him again, making Harry lose his breath and his coherency. “F..F-Fuck, Lou! Goddamn!”

“Yeah, you like this Harry? Like when I do this? You know what you will like more, being inside me, fucking me into oblivion, fucking me till I can’t see straight.” Louis provoked.

“You want that, don’t you, want to be inside me, and want to fuck me, yeah?”  
Harry licked his lips once before kissing Louis, and getting up and prodding his lubed finger in the cerise crack of Louis’ arse. He slowly pushed his finger in the hole, and was met with no sounds from Louis, so he looked up for approval. He met Louis’ eyes and Louis told him, “Harry, one finger might feel weird, but if you don’t get along to put another and start fucking them into me, I won’t be prepped and I won’t be receiving any goddamn pleasure.”  
Harry felt stupid, but he went ahead and added another finger before plunging in right up to his knuckles, the sound that Louis made was a mix of a hiss and a yes. Harry did that over and over, watched Louis fall apart on his fingers, and watched Louis’ legs starting to quiver.

“Your fingers are so much longer and wider than mine, fucking me so well, Haz, so well.”

“You know, I don’t really need to be praised for everything, just your sounds and the look on your face is enough for me to know if I am doing it right. Don’t go out of your way to make me feel confident. For once just lay there and enjoy.”

“G-gnuh.. Oh!” Louis whimpered as Harry curled his fingers finding Louis’ spot. Louis cried out, overly sensitive to the touch after so much build-up.  
Harry smirked doing it again and again and again.

He carefully scissored him open after the mini torture road he took Louis down. He added another finger after that and Louis went absolutely crazy, grinding down on Harry’s fingers and whimpering each time it went in too far.

“Harry, please, please, just get up here.” Louis begged.

Harry let his fingers out and leaned down to kiss Louis. He bit down on his Adam’s apple and sucked a bruise there, moving down to kiss all the bruises he had marked on Louis. He dipped down again in the space between Louis’ collarbones, marking him up multiple times there.

“Harry, fuck me, now!” Louis whined.

“I want to take this slow. Properly, like a gentleman would, I want to give you the utmost satisfaction by going slow and making you feel everything. Can you please, please have the patience?” Harry said as he slipped down to kiss Louis’ chest and his stomach. He pinched Louis’ nipples and made him squeak, but as soon as he rubbed them, Louis’ sounds turned from distressed to overwhelmed.

Harry licked down his tummy and poked his tongue down into Louis’ belly button, he made Louis squirm with pleasure, as he poked it again and again, slightly sucking. A quiet moan left Louis’ mouth.

Harry quickly moved back up, sitting upright as he lubed his own cock, rubbing softly, not incessantly, not leading him up to an orgasm. He lined himself up with Louis’ hole and slowly teased him before actually pushing in.

A choked sob left Louis’ mouth as a guttural groan left Harry’s.

“Fuck.” They both said.

Harry laid down on top of Louis, holding himself up so as to not squish Louis underneath him. He kissed Louis as he slowly bottomed out. Louis seemed to be crying, but a quiet cry, not a sob, but a moan of pleasure.

Harry kept kissing him as Louis adjusted to his girth. Louis’ hands were in Harry’s hair, pulling roughly, at one point his grasp faltered, only barely holding on. Then Harry pulled them out and slowly slid them down beside Louis’ head and merged their hands together. He nuzzled into Louis’ neck as Louis just pushed his head back in pleasure.

Harry slowly moved, delivering small thrusts, with no real threat in them. He kept nipping at Louis’ sweaty skin, tasting the salt on his flesh. It was slow, sensual and sexy. Harry rolled his hips in instinctual expertise, angling his thrusts just the right way for Louis to cry out in pleasure, small whimpers and groans leaving his mouth.

“Harry, darling, I am so close, so, so close, fuck!” Louis moaned out as Harry started pistoning his hips in a way that sent all the thrusts directly punching Louis’ prostate, making Louis grit his teeth as whimpers and moans just kept falling out of his lips.

“Just hold on a bit more Lou, I am close too, fuck, you feel so good, Louis.” Harry groaned as his thrusts turned erratic. Heheld onto Louis’ hands, squeezinghis dainty fingers.

Louis just laid there, a hot, moaning mess, as Harry punched through his almost orgasmic state.

Louis mewled once it got too much for him to hold on. “Harry, I am going to, yeah, I am going to come. Fuck.”

“With me, Louis, 1, 2, 3, fuck.” Harry groaned as he finally let go. Louis following seconds later. Harry’s sticky, warm come stuck to Louis’ walls. And Louis moaned at the feeling. Harry pulled out, and they both hissed at the sudden feeling.

Harry collapsed on top of Louis, and Louis just rolled them over. Lying side byside, Harry just pulled Louis to his chest and kissed him. Harry carefully cleaned Louis after that and they fell asleep that way.

This Louis knows was yet another mistake.

~~~

 

Louis is sobbing, he doesn’t know how in the past hour he went from drinking beer and painting, to crying on the floor across fromthe stool and the half-painted canvas. But he knows it has something to do with Harry. It’s always Harry this, and Harry that and how Harry and Louis did some things. It’s crazy, stupid and everything in between.

He remembers being curled up on this very floor one fine morning and wincing at how sore everything was.

He remembers buying this flat because breathing the same air and sharingan apartment with Harry was becoming too much.

He remembers how heartbroken and disappointed Harry seemed when Louis finally moved out.

He just fucking remembers everything too fucking vividly.

 

~~~

 

“I want to move out.” Louis had said, quite confidently, bags already packed in his room.

“What? Why?” Harry had asked, bewildered and confused.

“Harry, you are getting famous now, also I need more space as an office or studio to do my art work and it’s not like I am leaving you forever. Just moving out of this house so you can buy yourself a nice house uptown. Or maybe even in the USA or summat. That would be nice, reckon we can get some space between us, make friends and meet people around the world.

“Look Haz, you are getting renowned and everyone wants your autograph, or your picture and I am always an intrusion. It’s better to go out there and make new ‘Celebrity friends’ than hang around crazy ole’ me. I have my bags packed, and I got the lease on the flat I wanted. I am moving in tomorrow and I just wanted to let you know. I will be out of your hair then.” Louis got up from where they were having tea on the balcony.

“Louis? I get no say in this? It’s my life too you know... Ed Sheeran spent weeks and months on other people’s couches to get around the country and all over Europe, and you so easily tell me I make money, so I should go out and get a better house? That is bullshit. If you want us to move into another, bigger apartment where we can get a studio for you, then it’s okay, let’s do so, don’t kick me out of your life, I need you here by my side. You are my only one Louis. Even mum and Gems don’t talk to me anymore. You promised you would be there for me, you are my rock.” Harry seemed on the verge of tears.

“What do you want me to do, Harry? Give up my life and follow you around the world? Give up everything I am and have made myself, just to see a smile on your face? I am an artist, a struggling painter, I can only afford so much before collapsing. I saw the deal downtown near University of London, and paid a 30% down payment just so I can pay in EMI’s for the rest of the year and then I can finally own the studio flat. Stop asking too much of me, Harry. I have a life of my own away from you, unlike your posh, hip-chic, celebrity shine life. I am a commoner. I don’t live in that glamorous life like you. And it’s about time I start doing something for myself. This, separating me and you is step one. So either be happy about me going to stand on my own two feet, or forget me as a person you used to know. I will think about just leaving by evening. Got to make certain arrangements for that.” Louis said finally walking away.

Surprisingly, Harry didn’t say a word to Louis’ leaving.

Louis had found himself redecorating the studio flat as he wanted it. A brick wall for art purposes, and two whitewalls he painted small artistic designs on. The third was the exit to the balcony and fire exit outside. He had put small plants and put a grass patch there with small stones and walking paths made of cobblestones.

He redid the entire bedroom, changing the bed’s side, changing the desk to the wall opposite to his bed and near the wall that was only a glass door to the open balcony joining the living room and the bedroom. He painted the room and the little walk-in wardrobe. He put a bamboo swing in the windowsill, and put cute cushions on it.

This was his space, far away from Harry.

Not for long.

Louis was setting up his paint cans and the brushes in his store room adjoined to his studio, when he heard a knock on the door. In the past month, all through summer, he had thankfully avoided interacting with humanity, except for his delivery boys and the building manager. He mailed everyone a specific date as the housewarming and it wasat least two days before. So it wasnone of his friends or family.

He was confused as to who was at the door.

“Coming.” He said as he walked over to open it.

“Delivery for Louis. Louis Tomlinson.” The delivery girlwearing a ‘Flowers for Beloved’ pin said.

“Yes, that is me.” Louis said, confused.

“Please sign here and here. Thank you.” She said as she asked him to let her enter. She entered with a trolley and two more girls behind her. Theyeach carried a carton box and asked Louis where to place them. He guided them to his living room, where he had an empty vase and a huge enough coffee table.

They opened the boxes to show multiple beautiful bouquets of purple flowers, lilacs, lavenders, roses, bell flower, dwarf iris, bee orchid, and the biggest bunch of Calla Lilies he had ever seen.

They left after the entire thing was set up, without giving Louis the chance to ask who sent them, he however had an idea. There in the midst of lilacs lay a letter, a soft embedded letter, with calligraphy font.

“Dear Lou,  
I moved out of our flat because your memories were suffocating me. I decided to take your words in heed and bought a house in South Hampton. And because of that, I cannot come to your housewarming.  
Here is a gift of your favourite coloured flowers as an apology and as a gift. Hope I don’t seem pretentious.  
Love,  
H.”

If Louis cried the entire night, no one witnessed it.

It was again three months later, when Louis was feeling better, had made new friends. Louis had a new job, a new life, almost. Each night as he lay in bed, all his thoughts rushed back to Harry. And when he missed Harry, he painted, and all his paintings were the features that made Harry. And Louis knew that in a perfect world, Harry could be his, but not here, here he was alone, and perhaps broken.

It was just a night like that, where Louis was wearing the poncho he received as a joke for his messy painting time, and he was painting yet another thing just for himself, he heard a knock on the door. Louis glanced at his wall-clock, confused as to who could be at his door at one thirty at night.

With quiet footsteps, and curious eyes, he wandered to the front door and peeped through the peephole and noticed just the back of a massive curly headed man. “Harry?”

“Louis, open the door, I hear ya.” Harry said, turning around. Louis opened the door and was immediately pushed against the nearest wall, plump lips attacking his, hands on his face, covering them almost completely. He kissed back with a confused vigour, but kissed hard nonetheless.

“Harry, Haz? What are you doing here at this time?” Louis asked as Harry touched his face and let his hands linger there for an unnecessary amount of time.

"I just, I am, I-I missed you. I thought I was going crazy. And-and I had to see you, make sure you are doing okay. I’ll go now.” Harry stuttered, moving a few paces back, eyes wild and face burning with embarrassment.

Louis’ heart did back flips, he thought he was dreaming. “Harry, wait. I missed you too, love. Don’t go tonight. Stay here, we could- I could make you-, us tea, and we could talk. How about that?” Louis asked, tripping over his words.

Harry smiled warily, and Louis’ chest tightened at that. He closed the door, and led Harry to his kitchen and made tea for both of them. Harry sat for a while, not saying anything. As Louis bustled around the counter, sauntering and tip-toeing to get the cups off the top shelf, Harry watched, admiring how soft and small Louis seemed.

They sat quietly, drinking the tea Louis made. Later, as Louis was cleaning the cups, Harry got up from his seat and slipped into the small gap between the table and Louis, sandwiching him between himself and the counter. He hugged him close, his hands resting across each other on Louis’ tummy, pulling him in deeper. He shoved his face into Louis’ neck, sniffing him and peppering small wet kisses there.

“H-Harry?” Louis asked confused, and somewhat aroused.

“I really want to take you to bed. It’s been so long since I have felt you. So long since I saw you fall apart under me. So long since I heard the pretty sounds from your mouth. Made you mine, all marked and bruised, and fucking sore.” Harry said as he pushed his hard cock against the crevice of Louis’ bum.

Louis whimpered softly, pushing back and grinding on what could be his, once more. He dreamt of all that had been done in the past, and all the pain was suddenly hidden under a blanket of pleasure, as Harry sank his teeth into a spot on his neck, marking his prey, Louis.

Louis somehow forgot that he had left his painting room open. It being right across from his kitchen. Harry, in the midst of seducing the boy pressed to his front, glanced towards the room, and he happened to see the canvases lying with his face painted on one too many. He detached from Louis’ back and pulled him towards the room. Louis let out a confused whine and let himself be pulled.

He had his eyes closed when Harry stopped them both, his hand softly rubbing circles on his wrist. He opened his eyes and saw where they were standing. He wanted to disappear in thin air. The walls were painted directly, a shade of green on white walls, and brown chocolate in places. A face that looked too much like a silhouette of Harry back when he was still only 17 was painted amongst them, and Louis regretted ever thinking that Harry was out of his life for good.

“Louis... did you lie to me about being over your feelings for me?” Harry asked, a deep frown covering his features. He still didn’t let Louis’ hand go.

“Harry, you are breathtaking, it was like the perfect wall mural. It was just like having you here with me, not like I have any feelings other than lust and admiration perhaps.” Louis lied cautiously.

“Are you being honest?” Harry asked, unbelieving.

“Harold, I had stupid feelings, it’s in the past. Now where were we?” Louis asked, going back to acting seductively, even though his heart was bursting out of its cage.

“No, you never spoke to me about your feelings the first time around either; we aren’t doing anything until I say everything is clear to me. Talk.” Harry demanded.

“Can we do this after? Because I am totally not up for it.” Louis excused himself.

“Promise me we will.” Harry questioned.

“I promise, Haz.” Louis said, not meeting his eyes, clearly every bit unexcited and intention free.

Harry was calmed by Louis’ words, dragging Louis to the middle of the room and throwing aside the easel and the paint. The floor was covered in paper, so they could make all the mess they wanted. Harry quickly undressed Louis and himself before guiding Louis to lie on his front.

Harry rubbed his hand all over Louis’ back, caressing him softly. He let his mouth roam the plains and arches of Louis’ back. Louis moaned softly as Harry bit his shoulder while his spit coated fingers breached Louis’ hole.

Louis writhed at the sudden pressure, no longer in the habit of being touched there anymore.“Slowly, Haz. We have all the time in the world.”

Harry chose to ignore that and sped up the process of prepping Louis. After he deemed it fit, he got up and walked over to his pants and removed his wallet, he quickly removed the condom and lube sachet and walked back and leaned over Louis’ tired body before tilting his neck to kiss him bruisingly. Louis whimpered at the strength behind the kiss, the force almost unbearable.

He was straightened again as Harry slipped down and coated his condom clad cock with lube before slowly ushering Louis’ legs apart and pushing in. He slowed the process so as to not hurt either of them. Once he bottomed out, the noises from Louis’ mouth left him crippled. He pushed his limits and thrusted in with a surge and felt the pleasure course through his body.

Louis was hurting, was feeling as though he was being ripped apart, but this feeling was so amazing, so very amazing that he wanted more. He voiced his thoughts and got a growl in reply. Harry pounded into his taut bum with all he had, and Louis felt just how pleasurable it was. He mewled, and moaned and whined aloud.

And all Harry did was bruise him.

They went three rounds that night, with Louis lying like a ragdoll and Harry using him to his heart’s content.

Maybe, that was Louis’ purpose in life. Being Harry’s person, his person who he could fuck all his frustrations out on. Maybe Harry never missed him; it was just a tight arse to be tucked into that he missed. And Louis was sure, that if he were to stay loyal to this cock buried inside him, maybe, maybe, someday he would win his heart over.

Later, almost in the morning, Harry got up from where he laid, a semi still buried inside Louis’ arse. Slowly slipping out, whimpering at the oversensitivity, and kissing softly for a few minutes, they both deemed it fit to get up.

He helped Louis clean everything up, and then went ahead to make tea for the both of them. As they sat at thetable and avoided each other’s eyes, Harry quickly said, “I am leaving for LA tonight. I wanted to come by to tell you that. I didn’t mean to stay this long.”

Harry got up from his seat, dumped his tea into the basin and picked up his jacket as he walked to the door. Louis was left speechless and pallid on the chair as he stared at the spot Harry was just sat on.

He heard the voice call his name, “Louis, won’t you say goodbye?”

Louis wanted to cry and wail and shout and scream, the sting of betrayal burning hot and cutting deep. But instead he bit his lip, wiped a finger under his chin and put on a big brave smile, rushing his small feet to the door. He saw the man who owned his heart standing without a smile on his gorgeous features.

He leaned in closer, opening his arms and beckoning Harry into the hug. Harry hugged him and Louis nearly lost it, nearly. Harry sniffed his scent in, nosing around his neck, the crook he made his home long ago.

Louis willed his voice to not stutter as he said, “I wish you luck, Harry. I know you will be the best. Not like you aren’t already, but being on that pedestal for so many people and so many more to come is going to be hard, and I know you can do it. Touring the Americas is going to be fun. So many people to meet, so many places to see. Fuck, imagine how beautiful the world is going to be.”

“Don’t.” Harry whispered. “Don’t make it seem so easy. Don’t be this brave. Be clingy, be mad with me, maybe shout at me, but don’t bid adieu with not a single tear. Don’t say it like I won’t come back to you again. This is where I belong.”

“No. You never belonged here Harry. You were never meant to be here. You belong out there, amongst a million stars, burning the brightest, lightening the burdens of so many with the words that spew magic. I won’t shed a tear, why should I? You are a sacrifice I am ready to make. It’s the least I can do for holding you back so long. No tears, only a happy farewell.”Louis said, holding back his tears like the reins were everything he had.

“A happy farewell?” Harry asked, looking down to see Louis’ face. Before he could say anything else his phone rang. “It’s Lauren. I have to go.”

“All the best, H.” The door shut as Harry ran down the corridor. And Louis broke down.

~~~

 

Louis is weeping, he is covered in paint and he is weeping because he feels so used, so used, that he wants to die. He wants to fling himself out the apartment window and finally bring an end to his misery. Instead he downs the beer he was having and throws the can away. He goes to bed and he wants to strip off and getback into the Packers’ hoodie, but he doesn’t. He sleeps in his own clothes, eyes puffy and red, cheeks blotchy and lips tasting like bitter smoke and cold beer.

He wakes up the next day at five am, his phone ringing next to his ear. He opens his swollen eyes to see who is calling him.  
Haz.

He jumps off the bed, and grabs his phone as he looks around as if being attacked with missiles. This is the epitome of the bullshit his life has been in so long. His life is directly throwing him into the furnace. By the time he calms his heart rate enough to pick up the call, the call goes to voicemail.

“Hey, Lou. It’s, uh, it’s me, its Harry. I don’t know if you know but I am, maybe coming back this week. Wanted to ask, uh, um, would you, maybe, uh, I don’t know, call me back, maybe.” With a beep it stops.  
Louis throws himself on the bed, wanting so bad to call back, he doesn’t.

He pulls the duvet up and falls back to sleep.

~~~

 

It’s perhaps a month later. It’s literally two in the morning when Louis decides to visit the 24/7 Supermarket a bit farther from his home. He is in need of fresh beer, milk, some cereal, probably some canned soup, some fresh meats, pizza rolls or some shit. And some fresh paint too.

He is almost about to put his stuff in his trunk when he hears the gruff voice he has avoided for as long as he could. He shuts his eyes as he hears his name, “Louis, is that you. It is you.” The voice says confirming his earlier question. Louis doesn’t turn around. He feels the man come right up behind him and almost hug him when he turns around and puts a hand on his chest.

Who is he to intrude in his life after entirety of two years and seven months?  Who is he to never call and talk and someday suddenly just pop back in his face? Who does Harry think he is? He thinks he will be welcomed right back?

“Don’t. I am not the same Louis you left behind Harry.” Louis says, shaking his head, eyes shut, not wanting to see the dismay on Harry’s face.

Harry fish mouths, unable to say anything, unable to think what he did.

You just cannot come in here, invading my personal space and hug me and think it will make it all right. How selfish can you be? You heartless pathetic asshole. I hate you, I fucking hate you. Go away and never come back again. Louis wishes he could say these things aloud. He can’t.

How are you? How long has it been, Harry? A call or a text here and there would have been good you know? Didn’t know you were still alive? How good for you, right?He can’t be that snarky either.

“It’s been so long.” He chooses to say instead.

“I know.” Harry says back. Like this is supposed to be enough. Like his two syllables will be enough to rid Louis of the pathetic dump his life has become.

“Have you ever thought about coming home?” Harry asks.

“Home.” Louis laughs. Eyes raising off the concrete and staring wildly into Harry’s mild and calm meadow green. It feels so calming. It is one-sided.  
Louis’ eyeslookwild, blue icy and cold, so cold. The burn of touching ice and the pain of it searing throughhischest coursed through Harry’s body, his spine stiffening, and goose-bumps rising up.

“Louis.......” Harry’s voice is lost in the wind that blows above them. The lightning searing the sky, but not with the intensity of how Louis’ eyes bore through Harry’s.

Louis looks back at his shopping bag and dumps it into his car as he closes the trunk, breaking Harry out of his trance.

The first bit of rain falls on the ground, a small drizzle of thirty seconds before the sky opens. The rain is cold and hard. Itis like iron nails dropping from heaven. Harry shivers, but Louis keeps standing like he doesn’t fucking care any fucking more. Harry rushes into the shade for the trolleys.

“Lou, you hate the rain. Please, get in the shade or in the car.” Harry shouts to be heard above the noise of the rain. Louis shakes his head and laughs darkly.

“That was three years ago, Harry. Now, Rain is my power, a blanket of loving and bliss I tried finding everywhere. It’s comfort. The coldness makes your betrayal feel warm, Harry. It makes me burn from within.” Louis says, staring Harry in the eyes with the darkest expression he has ever held.

“What did I do, Louis?” Harry asks as he steps forward out of the shade. “What did I do to make you hate me so much? What did I do, Lou?”

“You, you made me fall in love with a facade of false emotions and an empty promise of return. You used me to the core and left me to rot on my own. You made me crave your warmth, but forced your icy betrayal down my throat. And you crumpled me like a waste paper.” Louis stops to take a breath as Harry keeps his distance from him.

“You said you would always choose me, fucking hell I believed you. I crawled through hell to stay strong by your side. Moved away from home at the earliest just because your family didn’t approve of you. Stood by you when no one else would. What did you do? Suck the life out of me like a fucking leach. For eleven years I have been in love with you. Unfortunately, the feeling isn’t returned and that crushed me Harry. Each time you fucked me and fucked off afterwards, I didn’t say a word. Moved away from that bloody apartment because it made me choked and suffocated. Moved out of your life so I could sober myself from the drug, that’s your unbearably lovely, yet apathetic warmth. I was an addict Harry, addicted by your charm. And all you did was suck the happiness and love right out of me. You burnt me Harry. You broke me, you bruised me and you left, without a single glance.”

There are tears in Harry’s eyes, not in Louis’, his eyes are determined and fuelled with fire. He suddenly moves forward and jerks Harry by holding onto his shirt lapels. “I fucking hate you so fucking much, I could fucking kill you right now. But I won’t, I can’t. Because I still fucking love you, you asshole. It’s been three fucking years and I still love you. You know why? Because you held me tight when you knew I loved you, you held me harder when you thought I still loved you, and you held me tighter the day you left. But guess what; I am not willing to forgive you Harry. I am not. It’s not your fault, not your mistake. Just me who made mistakes I am not ready to accept. So you have to bear the burn till I learn to love myself again.” Louis says, still holding onto Harry’s collars. Pulling him in closer and closer till they are mere inches apart. The rain falling directly on them, slowly flowing through the crevice of Harry’s lips and neck and flowing off to his neck. The same happening to Louis.

“I fucking hate you.” Louis snarls in his face before pushing his lips onto a crying Harry. Harry whimper sat the force and the sudden overwhelming presence of Louis. He could have never seen this coming. He could have never.

Harry doesn’t know how they end up inside Louis’ car. And neither does he have any memories of having been seated in the passenger seat with his clothes clinging onto him.

Louis looks the same as him, messed and cold and wet, but also delirious and hot and sexy and just irresistible.

Harry is absolutely silent as Louis drives them somewhere. Definitely not towards home. Harry is still silently sniffling, trying to stop the tears. He feels selfish after Louis’ speech, he feels awful about himself, but he is speechless, or perhaps forced to keep quiet.

He looks out the window and suddenly finds himself in a secluded place, they are still driving, but the road dwindlesdown into woods and road crunches under the tires. They are somewhere they only went once. The rain has stopped as they’ve driven for almost forty minutes to get this place.

“The beach?” Harry asks,his voice coarse and shaky.

They drive directly through some branches hanging low, and then abruptly stop when the clearing comes into view.

“Hmm.” Louis hums, dismissing him. “Get out.”

Harry does as commanded. He steps out, the rocky sand crunching under his wet boots. Louis shuts the car door and locks it before pulling Harry by the hand. Harry is still sniffling, perhaps he is cold, perhaps he is still crying, Louis doesn’t fucking care. Today as Harry cries, all of his sorrows seems so small to him, but he wants to make him feel just how bad it feels to have the one thing you love ripped out of you and smashed to the ground. He wants Harry to feel his pain. They stand right in front of the rock they fucked on five years ago. But who’s keeping count of all the places Louis has laid himself out on?

Louis pulls off his jumper and his tee, before slipping out of his jeans and his underwear. He is stark naked as he looks at Harry’s widened eyes. Louis rolls his icy blues and looks at the moon that peeks out of the clouds giving him a perfect view of the beautiful waters that lay ahead. He takes a stance and runs to where there is a small jump-cliff and jumps right into the water. The cliff is only three feet high, so the splash isn’t anything impactful, but the sound is harsh in the silent surroundings. Harry wants to follow Louis into the waters, he almost does. Then, Louis says, “Just jump in. Jump right in.” Harry does, he is obeying every word that leaves Louis’ mouth. If he told him to jump onto the rocks and die, Harry would perhaps.  
Louis would never ask him to.

Harry lands right next to Louis and Louis smiles perhaps for the first time in months, but he feels lighter. Maybe lighter than he has felt in years, in seven years at least. He lurches forward; once Harry’s caught his breath and kisses him breathless again.

Harry doesn’t understand a thing. Is Louis angry? Or is Louis playing him right now? All he knows is that Louis still feels like the best thing to Harry’s mouth, and probably his nether regions too. He feels Louis’ legs winding against him and then Louis is letting him breathe once before pulling him underwater. Harry looks with wide open eyes as Louis kisses him again and pushes him back towards a rock for balance.

They kiss underwater till they run out of breath and then they come up to catch their breaths. Harry is pushed against the rock and he feels their shafts grind against each other. He feels Louis’ excitement through his clothes. He senses the electricity surrounding them and how it courses through their cells in a perfect cycle. He feels the thunder behind the kiss and the lightning inhis blood. He feels the universe’s course changing, feels that destiny is making a mark. Harry feels his shaky breath as Louis loosens his grip around his waist and drags him with his hands back to the shore and towards their rock.

He knows something about today has changed; something about their lives has changed, changed forever. He is yet to see if it is for the good or the bad. He is yet to wonder long enough.

They find themselves in the car. Louis partially clothed, Harry sitting cold and wet and driving haphazardly towards Louis’ apartment. Louis is sat in the passenger seat, obscenely touching himself all over. Harry is going crazy. Why is Louis sending him mixed signals, is he sad, angry, hateful, lust-filled, loving, or just plain crooked right now?

Harry gets them back to the flat and Louis immediately jumps out, his jumper in his arms, keys in hand. He doesn't glance back as Harry parks the car and runs back to where Louis is getting inside the empty elevator. He pushes Louis against the wall and kisses him, licking into his mouth and sucking on his tongue and bottom lip simultaneously.

Louis moans incessantly making the most of this. He hears the ding of the elevator and pushes Harry off him and struts out to his apartment door to open it. He stands there hands on his hips, standing shirtless as he waits for Harry to come inside. The moment he does, Louis pushes the door closed and holds Harry against it. Swiftly reaching out to curl his hand behind his neck, hisother hand pulling at his short hair. Harry picks Louis up with almost no problem and swings them towards the room he knows is Louis’ bedroom. He throws open the room and stumbles on a couple of clothes lying on the floor.

Louis grinds against Harry as Harry stands there, bewildered as to what he must do next. He throws Louis on the bed, straightening to find some lube and condoms. But before he can do anything he is being kicked in the shin and then there is a soft slap to his chest and then another to his thigh, a harder one to his neck and an even harder one to his left cheek. He is bewildered at what Louis isdoing.

Louis was growling as he attacked Harry with small surges of pain, and somehow it aroused him further when Harry just didn't react. Instead after a few too many kicks he finds himself being picked up and thrown down again with too much pressure. He is lying on his front, when he feels his clothes being ripped off his body. Feels Harry’s hungry gaze on him everywhere.

“How many people did you fuck with when I was gone, Louis? How many men pounded into this ass of yours, huh?” Harry asks incredulously as if threatening Louis, as if he has authority over Louis’ life.

“Louis, answer me.” Harry says as he lets his cold ringed hands rub over Louis’ naked arse.

“You want to know, you prick. You fucking asshole were the last fucker to put his massive dick in that arse. Fuck you for making me stay loyal when you were off fucking some whore in the back of some dingy bar or  in a motel room for all I know. You don't get to ask me that Harry, you never had that authority.” Louis says as he overthrows Harry’s dominance and gets on top, wrestling him and then punching him in the chest.

He bends down suddenly and pushes Harry’s clothes out of the way. He pulls on his pants as he holds Harry’s hands in one of his. He never knew he had so much power in his tiny little body.

“Fuck you, Harry. Honestly, fuck you.” Louis growls as he tugs at Harry’s hardening shaft and rubs over it to get it to maximum hardness. He leans down and puts his mouth to use and sucks hard, making Harry’s eyes roll back and his head to loll back.  The heaviest noises leaving his mouth.

“Fuck, Louis, fuck.” Harry says as he thrusts his hips up, making Louis choke. Louis lifts his mouth off and gets back up to dominate Harry. “You think today is about you? Wrong, Harry, wrong answer. Tonight is about me and only me. You are going to lie there like I have been lying every time you fucked me. And not expect a thing in return.” Louis grumbles. He watches as Harry lies there turned on and confused.

He reaches into the bedside table and takes the lube and slowly applies it to his fingers. Harry expects Louis to prod them in his bum but is wildly surprised when he witnesses Louis prod a couple of them in his own bum, softly mewling at the new found pleasure. He scissors his fingers as he sits astride Harry’s thighs, Harry's shaft aching to be touched. Harry moves his hand to get a grip on his leaking cock but is immediately met with disapproval from Louis.

Louis quickly adds another finger and quietly moans at the stretch. He seems to be done prepping himself and quickly lubes Harry’s cock, the touch feeling electric to Harry.  
Deciding not to torture Harry, Louis picks himself up, lines Harry’s shaft to his hole, and slowly slides down. Harry moans at the tight heat engulfing his length as Louis hisses as he bottoms finally. He gives himself time to adjust while leaning down and kissing Harry down his throat and his neck and then the expanse of his chest. He leaves marks in his wake. Teeth nipping wildly, making Harry cry out.

Louis urges Harry to sit up while Louis was still astride his lap, sitting smugly on his dick. Harry does get up, and then Louis puts his hands on his back and slowly grinds down on him. Moving slowly in figure eights,and eventual left and right. His nails attack his back once he starts moving rapidly, getting faster and harder and hastier than ever. Harry comes to his aid and thrusts up making Louis see stars. Louis whites out for a second before going back to riding Harry. Harry has found his spot and is abusing it with each thrust. Louis is a mewling mess, scratching Harry’s back till it bleeds.

“I am going to come. I am going to come.” Louis chants into Harry’s ears. Harry delivers some hard thrusts at that and hisses when Louis clenches around him, coming with a stutter of his hips. Harry comes two thrusts later, Louis clenching hard as he milks the orgasm out if him.

With a sigh Louis gets up, cleans himself up, throws a flannel at Harry, and wears his night clothes. Before Harry can pull him in for a hug, he hears, “Get out now.”  
Harry isn't sure if he heard Louis properly. Did he just tell him to get out? “Get. Out.” Louis enunciates. “Dress up and leave.” Like some love sick fool, Harry gets up and dresses before fish mouthing at Louis’ uninterested stance. He rolls his eyes and opens the door for Harry to leave. Harry has tears in his eyes, almost letting the dam break but then Louis goes for the kill. “Don't call, don't text, don't turn up here, don't try to contact me. Get it. The Louis Tomlinson you knew is gone and he’s never coming back. Now get out of my apartment before I throw you out forcefully.” Louis says with the satire he had wished to have all those years ago.

Harry sobs at his words, crying with snot dripping down his nose. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because toxicity has to be cut off at some point. Bye Harry.” Louis says closing the door on his face.

Thing is Louis goes to sleep after that. And doesn't really bother to think about Harry. He doesn't want to, not anymore.  
The next morning he wakes up with no pain in his chest, not a tear to drain. He feels genuinely hungry and thus, has a worthy breakfast. Then he showers and cleans his house of all the things he should have thrown away. The poncho, the old paint, the wall painting of Harry are all stacked to throw out, their pictures go in a box, all his clothes in the dumpster. His house suddenly feels brighter, less clustered and more open and breathable. He somehow feels.... Free.

He could get used to feeling like this.

~~~

 

“Harry Styles admits to not being Aromantic. Says, ‘Definitely sure it was just a phase’.” Is the headline Zayn walks into Louis’ studio with. He is worried to see how Louis will react, will he go crawling back to him or what? Will all this progress go to shit?

But instead he finds Louis shaking his head and saying, “I always knew he was lying to me. He was commitment phobic, not Aromantic. I knew he was a liar. But guess what, I am very happy he found himself. I found myself too, it was harder than I ever thought possible, but it's better isn't it? You stay true to yourself for longer. It's better than holding on to something burning. It's better than to despair over dead desperation.”

 

  
The End.

**Author's Note:**

> : [Rebloggable Fic Post ](https://enigmaticficlarrie.tumblr.com/post/167517010609/mystery-work)
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you loves reading this!
> 
> You can find the other works in the collection.
> 
> You can find my other works on my acc. Leave a comment, a remark, criticism, hate, love, Anything. Also A KUDOS brings me brain good, called motivation.
> 
> All the love,  
> M.


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